It's 5:07 Friday afternoon, and Shabbat draws near. Normally, I say I am "racing to Shabbat," because there are a million things to do to make the Temple ready for the congregation. For once, I am not racing, and I am looking forward to Shabbat as a worshipper. Tonight is Brotherhood Shabbat, a B'not Mitzvah, and there will be 2 blessings on the bimah - a family who is moving away, and a milestone birthday. All are special, and sacred. This Shabbat, I am thankful that I have the time to savor it, enjoy it, and participate in it fully.

Yom Kippur

I converted nearly twenty years ago, and Yom Kippur is still the one holiday that truly does fill me with awe. It's a combination of everything- from the sounding of the shofar to the reflection of the year just past, the promise to try harder, to do better, to forgive and ask for forgiveness...all of that overwhelms me in a way. At the same time, there's something so refreshing about this day, and I come away from it with a new sense of purpose. When I was a child in parochial school, my first grade teacher told us that each time we sinned, God placed a black mark on our souls, and I spent many a night scared out of my wits as the image of my black covered soul filled my head. Even after going to the dreaded confessional- though there was some sense of relief, I felt I could never recover. Yom Kippur, on the other hand, brings me a peace that is difficult to describe. When the entire congregation confesses together, we are reminded that all of us falter but that we can also change. In other words, we're all in this together. I know I'm far from perfect, but each new year gives me a chance to renew my commitment to be the person I want to be. We're all going to make mistakes and do things we shouldn't, but when we repent with the promise to do better, well, that's what's important. When we resolve to treat others with loving kindness and follow through on that resolution, we improve ourselves and grow in our faith. And when the last sound of the shofar fills the sanctuary, I feel as though the spirit of God resonates all around me. May we all be inscribed for another year in the Book of Life!

The High Holy Days are "Awe"most "Awe"pon us!

Growing up Catholic, I remember being amazed at the sudden increase in church attendance at Christmas and Easter. People I didn't even know were Catholics, showed up on those days considered special to the faith. I also remember the grumbling by some of the "regulars" about having to get there extra early in order to obtain their "usual" spot or at least a decent seat. And the judgment in general by some, who took very seriously the commandment to "Keep the Sabbath," was etched upon their faces. In Catholicism that meant it was a sin to miss Sunday services, so those who only came twice a year were scorned by some of those who came every week. The bi-yearly folks would often slink into the back row, hoping nobody would notice, and the judgmental would turn and glare. It was quite a sight to a six year old.

We Jews definitely have our share of guilt and judgment- they are human conditions difficult to fight, but I notice something different at our High Holy Day services. Yes, the numbers increase magnificently from weekly services, but it's more like a reunion of sorts. People seem genuinely happy to see one another- whether they come once a week, a month or only during the Days of Awe. Maybe a big part of the reason for the difference is that though we are commanded to "Keep Shabbat," we can do it in many ways. We can observe the Sabbath at home, in a lovely park, on a vacation with our family- wherever we are. It is our choice.

As a child, I was brought up with the fear of being struck down any minute for not following "the rules." The nuns regaled us with horror stories of what would happen "if..." and I had nightmares every time I did something I shouldn't have done. My mother always knew when I lied because of the look of sheer terror on my face. Part of that, I'm sure, had to do with the time period, and part of it had to do with going to a very strict Catholic school through my third grade year. To be fair, I did receive an excellent education there, and some of the nuns were very lovely, caring people, but we were not allowed to question ideas central to our faith. If we did, we faced the dreaded yardstick, so we learned to accept everything we were told very quickly.

It is exactly that which first attracted to me to Judaism: the idea that we can question Torah- we can even question God. We are given the freedom to think for ourselves and to come up with our own conclusions as to how to best serve God. If that means we attend weekly services at Temple or celebrate with dinner and blessings at home, a picnic in the park or a visit with a sick relative, we are all "keeping Shabbat" in our own way.

The High Holy Days give us another opportunity, not only to serve God, but to serve others and to welcome those we only get to see a few times a year. I'll look forward to seeing "all y'all" in September!

Food and Fun at Temple

As the summer becomes hotter, Temple Beth-El is helping to keep a fairly large group of children cool at their Food and Fun program. In an effort to help the community, Temple is part of a group of places offering free breakfast and lunch to children whose families might otherwise not be able to provide meals for their kids. And in the process, Temple staff and members are getting so much back. If you stop by any Monday through Friday between 8 AM and 12:30 PM, you'll find all kinds of wonderful activities going on. The program has a director and a counselor, and since the counselor is my own son-in-law, I get to hear his enthusiasm for what he's doing on a daily basis from setting up to developing the lesson plans to the funny things the kids do, to who volunteered that day. Geri Gregory was (and continues to be) the major force behind this endeavor, and you'll find her stopping by to interact with the kids and take pictures. She has also found Temple members with varying talents and skills who have quickly agreed to share those talents and skills with the children. From magic tricks and Yoga to weekly tennis lessons, water fun, arts and crafts, there is never a dull moment. Volunteers are always welcomed, so peek in on the excitement and give a little of your time. You'll be so glad you did!

"As a Man Thinketh..."

• Self-help books are everywhere, and one of the trends that is making another big splash lately is the idea that "thoughts become things." If you imagine yourself thin or rich or happy, it will happen. Just take five minutes a day to visualize, put yourself in that perfect situation, and before you know it, you'll find yourself there. What many might not know, however, is that this belief has its roots in Proverbs 23:7 and is translated something like, "For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." Today, authors are making a ton of money writing about the concept as though they've discovered it and are graciously sharing it with the rest of us, but all we have to do is look to Torah for the same idea.

• There's a little more to it, though, than just thinking about what we want, of course. We must work toward our goals, and we must have faith in ourselves and in God to get there. We live in a society of immediate gratification, and often, if we don't get what we want as soon as we decide we want it, we give up, call ourselves "unlucky" or worse, and mope around with a "glass half empty" attitude. I can't, for example, "think myself thin" without cutting down on sodas and sweets or without getting some exercise. I have to work at it and keep a positive attitude at the same time, which is where the visualization piece can certainly help, but it's more than just that. Furthermore, I can't depend on other people for my happiness- I have to find it within my heart. At the same time, I know that even though I may not wake up feeling "happy," if I smile and look for the humor as I go through my day, I begin to feel better. People who surround themselves with upbeat, positive people are more likely to be more positive themselves.

• There's no magic bullet, but a combination of positive thinking and action toward a goal help us get to that goal. If we all thinketh and acteth and thanketh God for our many blessings, we're more likely to get to where we want to be!

Social Networking and our Children

I love Facebook. It has given me a way to communicate with people I might otherwise not hear from but once a year. Many former students have found me and "friended" me, and it's been very cool to find out what they are up to. Some of them are nearing their 40's now and still call me Mrs. K.! I also love it that Temple members send out reminders of upcoming events and that many more of us remain connected through this social networking site.

Recently a principal in Florida (I believe) sent out a message to parents encouraging them to shut down their children's Facebook accounts. He doesn't feel that it's appropriate for youngsters to use social networking. I've been thinking a lot about this, and though I don't completely agree with him, I do think parents should pay attention to what's going on if their children are on Facebook or another site. Since I retired last year, my last group of students, who are now in eighth grade, have found me and "friended" me. I am honored that they are willing to allow me into their Facebook lives, but I admit to being somewhat appalled at some of their conversations. When they ask me to be their friend, I tell them that I will- but to think twice because I will make comments about their activities and conversations, and if they don't want that, I ask them to change their minds. So far, none have.

However, recently, one of these students posted that he'd joined a fan site called, "Mr. Krabs is obviously a Jew." Mr. Krabs, in case you don't know, is a character in the cartoon "Sponge Bob." He's the boss, and he's all about the money. I looked at this fan site, and it was littered with anti-Semitic remarks. A few people had commented on the anti-Semitism, and I was surprised to see a couple of Jewish kids chiming in that it was "funny." Personally, I don't find anything funny about anti-Semitism- ever. I reported the site, and I sent a message to my former student about my concerns, told him I understood that he probably didn't think it through because I knew he was better than that, and asked him to remove his post. He responded by "de-friending" me. I admit I was a little shocked!

Another student bashed gays on a post, and I called him out on that. He responded that he was just "playing" and he apologized and deleted the post.

Yet another proceeded to say some terrible things about Muslims, and when I responded to that, an ADULT commented to me that I was out of line- the kids were just having fun. Fun? It was extremely mean spirited and hurtful to some of the Muslim kids who happen to have access to his page. I responded that it was up to us (adults) to call our kids on such negative, disparaging language. I haven't heard back from either the student or the adult.

Our kids are also now involved in a site called "Formspring," and will often put as their status on Facebook- "Formspring me!" I looked at a couple of these, and they were pretty awful. The idea is that one can "ask anything" and get a "straight" answer, but what you'll often find are people anonymously posting horrible, obscenity laced comments directed at the "owner" or about others. It's, at the very least, worrisome and at the worst, a tragedy waiting to happen.

So, parents, what can we do? My sixteen year old son is a Facebook member, and he "friended" me, along with the rest of our family. I regularly check his page, and though I rarely comment so as not to "embarrass" him, if there's something on there about which I'm concerned, we definitely talk about it. I'm not sure that middle school or elementary students are ready for social networking sites. It's hard enough to be that age, and though bashing others may seem funny sometimes, when you're the one being bashed, the humor goes right out the window. One of the ways psychologists and other therapists often address this type of behavior is through role playing- put yourself in the shoes of the "bashee." Make a plan about how to deal with those who treat others like that. What would you say to someone who is hurting someone else physically or emotionally? If they're prepared in advance, they're more likely to know what to do when the situation arises.

What do you think? Have you dealt with any of these issues, and if so, how did you respond? If not, how do you think you will respond if you should find yourself confronted by these sorts of behaviors?

Song of Songs II

After writing the previous blog, I wrote a poem based on it for a creative blog I manage. A friend suggested I share it here as well, so this is it:

As she sang "Song of Songs,"

I looked at the people

in the congregation.

One couple, elderly folk,

seemed transported-

gazing one another

into a time

we don't remember...

holding the other

with bright eyes

intense with love,

perhaps reminiscing

of the day

they knew they were

soul-mates.

Feeling as though

I'd stumbled into

a private conversation-

wordless,

I lingered for a moment

more and knew

few ever find this;

how lucky I was to

be there.

Song of Songs

Sitting in the congregation Friday night, April 2, I was listening to the Temple band, which I always enjoy very much. This particular service happened during Pesach, so Cantor Berlin sang, not only the customary Barshop tunes, but also from Song of Songs. Accompanied by Rabbi Alan Berlin on the guitar, Cantor's voice rose up, and I felt myself moved by the music and by her beautiful singing. I couldn't help but look out across the congregation to see if I could tell whether or not others were feeling what I was feeling. Most of the people there were listening and smiling, but what struck me most were two of our elderly congregants, who have been married for many years, looking into one another's eyes as though they were all alone in the Temple. I lingered there for just a minute and could sense this intense love between the two that, sorry to say, seems way too rare in this day and age. They were transformed by the music and by each other, and I felt privileged to witness a very special moment. Obviously, this song spoke to their hearts. Maybe they were remembering another special moment in their lives when they were young lovers or newly married. Maybe Song of Songs was something they read together at night. Part of me wanted to ask if there was a certain significance, but I knew this was a private moment between them. Perhaps for the duration of the song, they were transported back to an earlier day, discovering their soulmate for the first time- a love to last for eternity.

Our Chametz

Every year before Passover, Jews across the world scour their homes searching for chametz- anything leavened- and give it away or otherwise get rid of it. We are commanded to eat unleavened bread (matzoh) during these seven days.

At the Women’s Seder, held during Passover at Temple Beth-El, we have a ritual to rid ourselves of the metaphorical leavening inside our hearts. Have we been judgmental of others? Have we gossiped? Have we been too hard on the ones we love? On ourselves? Have we given too little? Or have we given so much to others we’ve neglected our own families? We take time to consider our chametz and write it down on a sheet of paper, which we then rip into tiny pieces and toss into the air. Symbolically, we get rid of our chametz with the hope that we’ll do better in the days and months to come.

There is something refreshing about this ritual- for me, even more so than the cleaning of my home. Spending time with other women, praying, singing and breaking matzoh together makes the evening a special one all the way around. When we leave one another at the end of the Seder, we also leave our chametz behind. Our hearts feel lighter, our burdens are lessened for awhile, and we go home uplifted.

What chametz would you like to rid yourself of this Passover?

V'yirdu

I remember some years ago listening to one of our rabbis read the section of Genesis where Adonai grants humans "dominion" over all of the creatures of the earth, sky, and seas. Afterward, Rabbi said something that has stayed with me-that some of the commentators look at this as "stewardship" instead. I've wondered for a long time about the thinking behind this idea because these two words, at least on the surface, have very different meanings. Recently, I asked Rabbi Block about the Hebrew word and how he would translate it. He said the word is "v'yirdu." Technically the root, y-r-d, means, "to come down," which is usually translated as "to rule from above," making it much closer to "dominion" than "stewardship." Yet, might one also "come down" to be among the creatures of the earth as a caretaker? One could "come down" to make a difference in this world of ours by helping to preserve nature for future generations to enjoy. Or one might "come down" to stand up for what he/she believes is right. Many look at dominion as permission to use up all of our resources. They look at the words in Torah as an excuse to take over the lands of the earth for their benefit, without giving much thought to the other creatures who inhabit it, nor to the future when the earth's non-renewable resources will be gone. With dominion, some people consistently put their desires for money or power above the other animals by doing such things as drilling for oil and destroying habitats, too often for irresponsible reasons. I've been thinking about this lately due to the recent news’ stories denigrating scientists who weren't completely forthcoming with their global warming research. Here's yet another excuse for continuing on the path we've been on for so long. Even if global warming isn't the imminent threat we thought it was, shouldn't we be doing our best to take care of this Earth God so generously gave to us? Shouldn't we be actively working to develop renewable sources of energy instead of squeezing out every last drop of oil on our planet? If we indeed have dominion, isn't it also our charge to dominate wisely? And in that wisdom, doesn't taking care of what we have make much more sense? That sounds a whole lot more like stewardship to me. What do you think?

One of the most valuable assets, if not THE most valuable asset of Temple Beth-El is its members.

People join Temple Beth-El for many different reasons – to support Judaism, to foster connections with other Jews, to be with family, to find oneself spiritually, to give children a Jewish education, you name it. There are about as many reasons why people join the Temple as there are members.

I ask myself all the time, “How can I, as Member Services Coordinator, serve such a diverse group of people? My answer always has something to do with connection. People want connections. Sometimes the connections come with other members on a Friday night, sometimes through those we serve in Social Action projects, and sometimes when you least expect it, via email!

Lately, I’ve been concentrating on fostering connections by asking members to usher and greet at Shabbat Eve Services. Not only is this a mitzvah to perform for one’s congregation, it is also fun, and uplifting, as smiling and saying “Shabbat Shalom” or “Good Shabbos” would put anyone in a great mood! I’ve asked new members, Board members, longtime members, families, singles, and couples, and all who have responded and served have asked to do it again!

If I haven’t asked you yet, I probably will, so be prepared! You could beat me to the punch, however, and send me an email (geri@beth-elsa.org) with the dates you are able to usher and greet, and I will happily schedule you. You’ll be glad you did!

Geri Gregory

Member Services Coordinator